Blog Day 12: The Forms Pt 2

Dear Lord,

    As we continue the topic of grief, allow us all to be healthy in this process of getting to know who we are in these new realities. Allow us to take note of what is happening to us all in the times of these moments, but to also let us all be in state of minds and wavelengths to attain the blessings that are presented when we are ready to receive them in your holy name. 

        ~In Jesus Name, Amen

        Let's just jump into part 2 of this topic shall we! Another form of grief that people may or may not have experienced is also Inhibited grief. This is a grief form that involves someone repressing their emotions from the loss itself. It can also come in a way of confusion to the person as well; most situations where someone is grieving a loss can come to a surprise to many. Some people really don't realize this is the form of grief that arises when things happen. It can lead to a lot of anxiety, insomnia, and many more physical symptoms that can cause the body to react. I have had many incidences where I had to suppress my grief to please others in their comfort to be around me during the beginning stages of my own experiences with grief. I didn't really have a voice to say what I felt for a long time, until I started to go to grief therapy. It is such a weird feeling doing something as simple as speaking to someone you don't really know too well, but in a way it is still very comforting as they are literally there to hear you tell your story and give you ways to navigated through the grieving process as a whole; I highly recommend this route if this is a grief you are experiencing because there are many forms of therapy not just on a verbal stand point.

   The next form of grief I will be speaking on is Anticipatory grief which in lamest turns is a form of grief that involves the grief before the actual loss happens. This process of grief allows the person to not only find peace in where their loved one or self may transition off to, but it also is like a preparation of what is to come rather it being an unexpected event. It is always important to allow yourself the space to grieve in a proper setting so you can breathe more life into the pain that arises. Sometimes when we get to this point in our grief we can feel a sense of guilt or unsettling feelings when we move on with life without these people or even having to experience death on our own terms. But when God is with you he will make sure you are in his hands with everything that goes on. In a way you don't feel worried about the outcome of things, as the comfort of transitioning to the spirit world can bring you more joy than anything. I felt these ways when knowing my daughter was going to pass away as well. There were times where I was indeed in denial but I was able to pull through knowing her conditions were not the best and that she would be at peace not having to endure drastic measures. Coping with this kind of grief can consist of any type of curriculum activities such as coloring or drawing as well as making music for these emotions. 

    The healing journey from many of these forms of grief can come in many shapes and sizes. A lot of times people result into substances to hide from the pain as it is the easiest way to mask the feeling. In all realness, this doesn't do much for us on a scale of wanting to heal but rather it hurts the space we can be using to create a new for ourselves. We have to live for these beautiful souls who graced upon our lives for divine reasons that are to be discussed between you and the most high. I'm honored to have the space to help those in need of whatever they may be going through as these are things most don't seek to find, but as long as you are wanting to see divine results for your life, you will do anything to make sure the path that you are leading yourself on is pure for your soul. I'm wishing for an abundance of healing to bestow upon each and every one of you who have been consistent with me or who are just now finding out about this hidden gem of a blog! <3

        ~Indigo Vibration<3 1111

Source(s) Down Bellow:

https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24787-grief

Blog Day 11: The Forms

 Dear Lord,

    As we go on by our days let us never forget the power of you that lives within us. Bless us as we heal our hearts from grief in any form that may show up for us. Allow us to cleanse our souls and purify our minds from any harm that has been done in our past or our present so we can properly prepare for our fruitful future. We are open to receiving all that is for us and will remain consistent in the growth that will bring us closer to you.

        ~In Jesus Name, Amen

    As we embark on the 11th day of "Testimonies and Transformations", I'd like to acknowledge the elephant in the room. I know there are many people who have experienced what I endured losing my daughter, but I also have been in other forms of grief as well while dealing with this one in particular. I wanted to just spread awareness for these specific ones and will leave the source links to my research on this topic of the forms of grief.

    So for starters lets speak on the subject of grief in the form of worldly situations. In these cases it is called Ecological grief which is a form of grief that causes the mind to feel worried for the future outcome of things like climate change, environmental destruction or being a witness to constant news flashes of worldly issues (aka Collective grief). Most of this can be caused by anxiety & numbness which I can 100% inner stand as this has been a current thing we as Americans have to deal with. I wouldn't go too far into the political world, but this does have a huge part in the effect of our mental health being toyed with for so long on this subject. Not a lot of people realize it, but in truth I feel like there are a lot of ways that the government can control the minds of the people here in America by creating fear based tactics to keep us in this state of mind. An example of this for instance with TikTok being banned it took a toll on a huge amount of people not even in America alone, but others who use it in other countries as well were probably affected.  As you see, they can take from us but also bring things back in the nick of time as you know that TikTok has a lot of algorithms around worldly things to keep us in alignment. Some coping mechanisms that can help consist of speaking to those like minded individuals you can trust or non-verbal acts like writing in a journal can help relieve a lot of the internal turmoil with from this form of grief. You can also attend gatherings to get involved with the movement acts locally to support those in need.

    Another form of grief I'd like to speak on is Disenfranchised grief. This is a form of grief that happens after a loss of a loved one who is not being remembered or valued properly by those around. The loss doesn't always have to be on a physical scale in these cases, but people can embark on loss of a relationship not being as valuable to the other person as it is to you too. For this form many have experienced ( including myself) the feeling of having someone not know about a grief experience or loss in that sense where you want others to acknowledge the impact that person has on your life. In a way it's like there is that voice in our minds that seeks the validation of the presences of these important people or things to us that we have cherished for long periods of lifetimes. I know that this was hard on my end when I didn't really publicly put out there that I was pregnant with my daughter until she passed away. Many people were shocked about it and didn't know how to approach me ( as I've said before in previous blogs) when finding out about my sweet girl's transitioning on. The realizations I attained that helped me cope with this was being more open about my testimony, but first finding the words to express my feelings. Also support groups, medication(If needed) , and grief therapy/ art therapy has helped me tremendously with letting my hands do the talking and also hearing others' stories made me feel less alone in wanting acknowledgement. 

    For now I will stop at these two because there is a lot  to unpack all in one passage and you guys will be reading this one forever if I put everything in here at once lol. I will make a part 2 on this subject for a more deep dive of what other forms of grief there are. I want all my readers who find me to feel seen in all ways. I made this blog in order to tell my story yes, but I also like to bring forth topics not a lot of people are speaking on in this day in age. It's time to shine light on all things as we continue to evolve ourselves in such a closeted world; I hope I helped someone a bit with this one today, but for now I'll see y'all tomorrow!

            ~Indigo Vibration<3 1111

Sources Are Below:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK591827/

https://ucalgary.ca/news/eco-grief-how-cope-emotional-impacts-climate-change

Blog Day 10: The Balance

 Dear Lord, 

Bless this Sunday morning for we have risen today. Anoint the words that bestow the reader today as they find the balance of work life after a loss of a loved one. Allow the reader to be present in your light to open their minds the the knowledge that is given. Breathe more life into us Lord so we can continue to show up for your chosen people and never let us be burnt out to the point we can't grow with you alongside us all.

    ~In Jesus Name, Amen

    As some know and for those who don't, today's blog will be a reader's choice topic. I put a question suggestion box on my Instagram story and got a great topic to work with from my beautiful and talented soul sister, Irie Woods! She suggested I speak on the subject matter of balancing the work requirements at a job after the loss of my daughter. I loved this topic because I didn't really think to speak on this as I am still on this journey of balancing it all out as we speak so it never just came to mind. I really appreciate Irie for this suggestion and I hope this passage can shed some light and balance not just for her but for anyone who is also struggling with this as well.

  I'll start this blog on just how much that alone affected my well-being but also how I found the balance in all of this madness of a shifted reality. I knew after I lost my daughter that I'd have to go back into the work force. I couldn't really picture myself anywhere as I was just undergoing so much pain and aching in my soul but also my body was still not present with the times. I worked not even a month after I lost my sweet girl because of Mr. Ivy telling me I had to do so in order for us to have funds to pay bills at the apartment we received right after the fact. It was really hard on my body when I started back up like my body felt like jumbled up bones in a bag from how much my body was stretched out during pregnancy that the after math of all of that just had my body in shambles with only working an 8 hour shift. 

    The first job I received postpartum was a janitorial job at a women's and children's shelter. I was cleaning showers, classrooms, offices, the cafeteria, the bathrooms, the hall ways ect. Mind you all of this had to be done within 4 hours of me working which in my mind at first wasn't gonna be a lot but I was definitely wrong about all of that. This was one of the most excruciating pains I had just bending down ( after having an epidural in my back) kneeling, standing long hours, it all took such a huge toll on my body.  After a while they eventually did fire me because I could not perform the tasks at the specific time which I was willing to accept because I physically couldn't do any of it. 

    Fast forward a month later and my friend at the time who I had met through creative exchange told me about an opportunity to work with children at a Charter school. My job simply was to be a teacher's aide and help around the classes. I also took on the role of being a substitute teacher as well as I taught Kinder garden and 2nd grade math and phonics. It was such an interesting yet one of the biggest learning experiences of my life as this is something I literally used to write about in my writing prompts when I was a scholar as well. One thing about me I always want to serve my people no matter what, but I always had a passion for working with the youth because they are our future EVERYTHING! As this was such a hard but eye opening  job as this was an introduction to the school system here in Ohio and the direction they were taking the children there. 

    I had to endure many new obstacles working there because the students had a ton of inconsistency the entire year and prior to that as well. A lot of adults gave up on the kids so it was a lot of shoes to fill during this time as they all needed much attention and academically they needed us the most otherwise the school was gonna shut down depending on their test scores. Unfortunately, I ended up leaving before all of this transpired because of my mental health. It got to the point where the kids started to lost control but more so patience with the changes as we kept losing teachers. I didn't want to leave them as I bonded with every scholar that was in the building but I also had to deal with my postpartum as well as a Mr. Ivy and I were not seeing eye to eye leading up to our very long break up. I went through a lot of emotional turmoil which put me in a position to want to do better for myself. 

    And just when I thought things were going bad they only got better after all of this happened last school year. After this happened, I got blessed with another job doing the same thing but at a Catholic school with such a more structured nature that was surrounded by God's glory and also being a tutor for 7th and 8th grade students. I was so thrilled to be in this space because as it is still a job for me to be there to attend to the children, it was more rewarding because they gave me more time to balance my personal life as well as enjoying my work life. 

    Sometimes God puts you into positions to shed light on certain situations like the ones I had to go through. Despite the feelings of my loss and the environment being around kids after such a great loss, I learned that this was given to me to pour in the love I would've given to my daughter into children who desperately needed it. Most of their days are spent at school which a lot of us never wanted to go to, but as long as there were those good teachers that show up for you  it was worth going every single day. I thank God for the position I have in these children's lives because it ultimately breathes life into me on levels that can never be explained. I never thought I'd find a job that is actually healing me but I can honestly say this is something I can do for the rest of my life in so many forms. Being told the impact I have on those kids and them opening telling how great of a teacher I am or how much they just don't want to leave me because they love working with me, is all I need to keep this passion on fire. 

    Without us there would be no them, so I encourage you all to keep going at it with whatever you enjoy doing that breathes life into you. Don't ever settle for less and definitely don't burn yourself out to the point you don't want to do it anymore. A lot of people lose their fire when it gets overworked, so start creating an  agenda for your day so you don't stress so much on the time frames of things being done. Eventually once you cant find your organized routine things start to flow more naturally than before; don't give up on the vision regardless of the work that needs to be done. God can give your blessing onto others if you are not willing to catch them when they are presented to you. Always move by faith and not by sight as this can create more stress than progress. We are only human so just be mindful with your timing and make sure there is time in there for you to still enjoy your life as well in all of it's simplicity.

        ~Indigo Vibration<3 1111