Blog Day 7: The Wild Ride

 Dear Lord,

    Protect all who are reading this from anything that could be lingering around their spirit. Anoint this passage from anything that may be harmful and judgement to our openness to be vulnerable when there is a space to do so. Allow us all to continue to stay prayed up in your name Lord for you are the source of our lives. Guide us back to you and never allow us to lose sight of who you are to us all.

     ~In Jesus Name, Amen

        Today's blog may be a little hard for me to write. These next stages of my life story consisted of so much I had to learn just with those I associated myself with during the time of my homelessness in Oklahoma. I can say though, that I learned a huge chunk of myself in this predicament alone and do NOT feel shame nor regret for anything that I have put myself through. This blog is a space for me to be expressive as well as bring light to situations but in a sense also holding myself accountable for my own decision making for my own healing journey. So far this blog has helped many others over come/ see a new perspective on life as well which is all I ever wanted for this blog. To open eyes and expand minds.

       As I entered the shelter, there was so much adrenaline running through me because of the chaotic yet traumatic day I had being pretty much thrown out on the street. I was scared and felt like a lost puppy walking in as I asked for assistance from someone who I found at the shelter ( side note: the shelter was downstairs in the basement of a church ). SISU wasn't bad but it wasn't what I wanted to do. After they showed me around the building, one of the staff members informed me they had food down in another room where supplies like clothes, laundry, food pantry, showers, ect were stored at. Entering the room, I see a bunch of young kids and adults my age at the time, but I could tell a lot of them were strung out on drugs or are users which made me really sad to see. I wasn't really hungry plus they didn't serve vegan food ( of course), but I had EBT so luckily I was able to just buy food and bring it there. 

    Besides that I just go sit at an empty spot at the table in the corner so I just proceeded to sit there alongside two other girls. They seemed like they've been friends for a while and were having good conversations with each other when all of a sudden one of them introduced themselves to me. She seemed friendly but I also wasn't too sure as I'm not a local. After like a day she came back to me again when she saw I was alone outside in 100 degree weather on a really humid, sunny day. If some don't know, when you stay at certain homeless shelters they basically shut down the entire facility with all of your belongings in there for about 8 hours or so; if you don't make it back at a certain time they will literally have you sleeping outside which I never knew until I got there. But anyway, she offered to hang out with me and we ended up going to the mall.

      From there we became so close to friends from me having a very intuitive tarot reading with her, wanting to brand/create a business with her, praying together, crying together to us having to damn near fight for our lives coming into contact with some dangerous people as well. I even went as far as having my friend at the time drive across the country to pick us both up because we wanted to leave the shelter so bad that we decided to move back to California and live with/ meeting most of my family. We endured a lot together to the point we even became romantically involved. Yes, at the time all of this was like the golden ticket, but after a while there were many changes. Us being romantically involved messed up a lot of things for the simple fact of miscommunication. I was poly at the time and had been for a few years which I told her; I really thought we had an understanding of the definition and that this would mean I would be seeing/ interested in others ( mind you we were never officially together as a couple nor did I ever ask her just based off of our conversations prior). The miscommunication from both ends clashed a lot which made it more obvious that we had something going on to my family as they confronted us about it.

       From this being the result, this made me chase her a lot during the time and I can confidently say that now. This was really because of what happened to me during my time in Oklahoma and how much I needed to rely on someone really anyone to support me and see life in me. In a way I was seeking a lot of validation from others and needing that approval but most of the time it wouldn't be what I was wanting because it wasn't what God wanted me to have. After that entire experience of her putting me through all of that hell we did end up speaking and reconciling after two years in 2024 but it became to be very overwhelming with the timing of our lives and it felt like that time with us being in connection on any accord is done; for we are on newer/ very very different paths and wavelengths. All I can do is give it back to God and let him do the work for that. Just because you reconcile with someone from your past, doesn't always mean you have to reconnect with them.    

        Sometimes you really got to just let yourself have these experiences, observe the situation, then move accordingly, but to also accept the differences that made the problems happen in the first place. I'm so thankful God put me through that because I would've never learned how to speak up for myself when I felt like things were wrong. It was still choppy, but I was able to gain the knowledge to make that part of me better. And these experiences with her and my living in Oklahoma made me realize not everyone is gonna be like you or  like you. People really are just raised differently and unfortunately not everyone wants to see you win by moving on through life to more healthier scales. 

    Through the evolution of my life path, I was more in alignment with that rather than how I used to handle situations that were influenced by the way others would resolve them, but now I am free of that; my worth cost more than anyone's validation. Now for tomorrow's blog this will be the most important part of my life and the reason I even started this blog in the first place.  I'm definitely going to be meditating on this topic as there are many wounds from my pregnancy and relationship with my daughter's father. I'm strong enough for the topic alone, but only God knows what those experiences felt like to me so please bear with me on this. I appreciate all the feedback so far and hope to continue on helping so many of you with these stories<3

        ~Indigo Vibration<3 1111